Waiting

“But Seek First the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness and All These Things Shall Be Added to You.”  Matthew 6:33

Another year, another valentine-less February. It’s my fifth to be exact. In these five quick years, I’ve come to learn many valuable lessons that came along with stints of confusion, infatuation and a lot of dumb decisions.

In the midst of that span of time, I wanted love. I often felt that it would be wrapped up in a dark, tall, handsome, college degreed package that would match identically to the little list I created like the one kids make for Santa. I told God I wanted this, that and the third, not even realizing that I wasn’t even close to half of those things. But I KNEW what I wanted… or so I thought.

When that tall, kinda-dark, handsome, college degreed package walked into my life, it ended up breaking my heart. Though the package looked amazing and identical to my list from the outside, it wasn’t even close to what I needed within. I was so focused on what that package could become with a little time and patience, when all along the Lord was trying to remove it to make room for something better. For something new and unexpected.

One morning it dawned on me that I had to let that troublesome list go. Not to lower “standards” because I indeed believe in those, but because I don’t even know what I want or need. If I can be honest, I don’t even know myself. Each day is a new step into discovering who Taylor is. It may sound crazy that I don’t know me, but the best part is that there’s Someone who does.

God created me inside and out. He knows my end from my beginning. What brings me joy and what can lead to my sorrow. Therefore, He wants to protect me from it. My “list” was not breathed by God, but it was from my own finite wisdom. I knew what I THOUGHT I wanted, but as we can see, when my thought came to life it only led to pain.

That is why the same day I crossed off that list, I asked God to take over. I decided to put my trust and focus on Him first and only. He knows my needs and my desires. That’s why I can believe with every ounce of my being that He will add an amazing man to me. I don’t know when and I don’t know how, but I KNOW it will happen.

So in the meantime, I’m not dating. But I am trusting. Some may say that I’ll never find anyone this way, but I have so much faith in my God that who He has will find me. As I continue to build God’s Kingdom as a single woman, I know that He is developing someone to join alongside me as my husband. We will then build His kingdom together. He will honor me and love me as Christ loves the church. He will be a beautiful representation of 1 Corinthians 13. He will inspire me, build me up and stick near when things get tough. He'll accept my shenanigans and over-the-top tendencies. But until that time, it’s just me and God.

There is no formula or fluid way to make this happen. No book or blog post can make him come any faster.

It’s all just a matter of faith, trust and seeking the Lord.